Thank You
by boredFangirlramblings
Summary: Inspired by the pigeon feeding scene and what I believe was Blaine's thought process, more or less. [ONESHOT] Warnings for mentions of depression and depressed thoughts. PLEASE don't read if easily triggered.


**It is my strong belief that Blaine has dealt with mild depression for most of his life and that that mild depression got significantly worse during the break up. He was obviously still carrying that baggage during season 5 and I thought the way Darren acted in this scene really portrayed that so I just wanted to delve deeper into what Blaine was feeling. **

Blaine sat on the front steps of the apartment building, distractedly throwing pieces of bread at the neighborhood pigeons. His mind was elsewhere.

"_You lied to me!"_

_The words cut him deep but he deserved it, he had hurt Kurt again._

_He had no defense so he leaned on the one thing he knew was true._

"_I love you."_

_That was the only solid fact in his life. Just like the song had said, he loved every part of Kurt with every fiber of his being. As long as he lived that was the one thing he would always be sure of._

_When Kurt stormed out, one of his worst fears came to the surface, the thing that had be gnawing at since they started dating but only intensified when he came to New York: Would Kurt always love him?_

It's not that he doubted Kurt, it was that he doubted himself. He kept messing up and every time he wondered if this was the thing that would cause him to lose Kurt's trust and love forever. These were insecurities that he had carried around his entire life. He wasn't good enough to earn his own father's acceptance, he wasn't good enough to protect himself and his date at the Sadie Hawkin's dance, and he had always doubted whether he was good enough to keep Kurt. Kurt, who he had already let down and lost once. Kurt, who had the power to break or save him with a few words.

He barely noticed the footsteps approaching, getting closer, "They're full of diseases." that voice that he would be able to pick out from a hundred screaming people broke him out of his thoughts, Kurt had come back to him again, "It'll be pretty hard to dance at your showcase with bumble foot."

There was no denying the trace of bitterness in the countertenor's voice but Blaine felt hope bubbling up in his chest, _Maybe this isn't the end,_ "Humans can't get bumblefoot." he retorted, "And I don't wanna do the show case anymore." He turned to Kurt with determination in his eyes, fierce sincerity in his voice, "_You _are more important to me than anything." No matter what happened or what became of them, he had to make sure Kurt understood that.

Kurt gave a slight nod before looking out on the group of pigeons with a speculative look "Do you ever wonder what it's like to fly for the first time?" Blaine knew he wasn't supposed to answer, he also looked out on the birds and waited to see where Kurt was going with this, "I mean, here you are in this nest which is really the only home you've ever known, and even though your DNA and millions of years of evolution are telling you that, if you jump, you won't hit the ground like a stone, you can never really know."

There was a pause as Blaine waited anxiously, not knowing whether the serious look on his fiance's face should worry him, "Relationships are like that..." Kurt continued with a serious tone to match his facial expression, "You give someone your heart to look after, and you tell yourself that you're safe, but you never know if today or tomorrow is the day that they're gonna drop it like a stone." His voice was flat and void by the end of his speech.

Blaine looked down at his lap, the all too familiar feeling of shame and guilt filling him, "Kurt. I'm really really _really _sorry about what happened."

Much to his surprise, Kurt just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I get what happened. The way I was talking about the showcase...there was no way I would have been cool with not being in it. I would have lied to me too."

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, genuinely confused. Kurt had _already _forgiven him? Then...what- "I don't understand. If you're not mad at me then where are you going with all this flying stuff?"

"Oh, no, I was mad!" Kurt quickly corrected him, "But then I realized that trust is a choice."

Blaine looked away quickly, tears suddenly pricking his eyes as he fiercely fought them off.

That voice, that _damned voice _had come back to haunt his mind again.

_He's going to leave you this time. He's finally had enough. You'll be all alone again._

Blaine suddenly felt very small, his mind flashed back to the days of the break up. The days without Kurt were with filled with loneliness, guilt, depression, anxiety, self-hatred...and he was going to have to go through all of that again.

_No one to blame but yourself. Kurt's life would be easier without you in it. _The voice whispered, Blaine hunched his shoulders forward, curling in on himself, preparing for the blow.

"You know, everyday we're going to roll out of bed and send each other out into the world, _trusting _that we have each others backs."

_This is sick. _Blaine thought, _He's about to leave me and he sitting there talking like we have a future._

"And we will slip up, and we will be scared..."

_God, I want that future..._

Then, a gentle hand was placed on his knee. The hope from earlier reappeared as quickly as it had vanished. A ray light breaking through his dark thoughts. Then he looked up into those eyes, those impossibly blue eyes that he would never be able to look into without falling in love all over again.

Those eyes that were looking at him with the same amount of love that filled his entire being.

"But I _choose _to trust and to love you through _everything_."

The whole world seemed to pause for Blaine as he took in the overwhelming sincerity of those words. The dark clouds began to slowly lift from his mind.

Kurt wasn't leaving him...

Kurt had forgiven him...

_Kurt wasn't leaving him!_

Suddenly he as launching himself at his _fiance_, "Oh, thank you thank you thank you thank you..." he kept muttering those words like a prayer as he locked his arms around Kurt's neck and buried his face in the crook there, breathing in the scent he had grown so attached to.

"Oh, I love you so much." he pulled back, "and I mean what I said about the showcase, either we fly together or we don't fly at all."

"I'm _very _happy for you. And I'm very excited that the world gets to see you spread your wings. Now, it's your turn to fly."

What...what in the world had Blaine Anderson done to deserve the man sitting in front of him. A man who loved him and trusted him. A man who helped him fight off the demons in his mind without even realizing in it. A beautiful man with chestnut hair, ivory skin, and perfect, pink lips that he needed to feel on his lips like right freaking now.

"I don't know if it's all this bird talk but I'm getting a little turned on."

Kurt instantly perked up, "Let's go inside!" he stood up and began running up the steps.

"Hey, hey, wait..." Blaine grabbed his arm causing him to turn around, Blaine just had one more mushy thought to get off his chest, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

Kurt looked up for a moment as if pondering something, "Yeah, pretty much." he answered with a nod of his head. Blaine was about to come up with a witty response but Kurt leaned forward to silence him with the teasing touch of his lips before turning around and running up the steps again.

Blaine managed to get in a light slap to his fiance's back for being such a tease before frantically following him up to the apartment.

A minute ago, Blaine had been filled with shame and guilt.

Now, he just wanted to filled with Kurt.


End file.
